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Thread: Correct my paragraph, Topic sentenc, grammar ....please

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
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    Default Correct my paragraph, Topic sentenc, grammar ....please

    Hi,

    I need your help to know about my paragraph, please
    I want to know if these things are correct,

    Topic Sentence
    Bridge Sentence
    Grammar
    concluding sentence
    And how the ideas of the paragraph are connected,

    The paragraph is about Cooperative learning.. working in a group

    As a student, I have worked and cooperated in groups for many times. During my work in groups, I could find many benefits , and a few disadvantage of it, too . first of all, working in a group enable students to exchange many ideas, more information and knowledge. It also helps them to get know each other, learn from each other's experiences, and combine their talents that are beneficial to themselves . So the student can promote his academic achievement. Secondly, When students work cooperatively , there is less chance that mistakes will be made because it's easier to see other people mistake than to see your won. On the other hand, less participation of some members affects team's unity and results of their task. Disagreements between members may delay decisions and cause hard feelings. Cooperative Learning, pairs or triads or teams is very useful and successful when every member of the group perform his or her duty very well. It brings more advantages than disadvantages.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
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    Hi

    I have changed my paragraph a little bit
    I think this second one is better

    As a student, I have had the opportunity to work in groups and I find that cooperative learning has many advantages but, as with any teaching techniques, it also has its disadvantages. It's a great strategy that makes learning more fun and intersting. working in a group enable students to exchange ideas, information and knowledge. It also helps them to get know each other, learn from each other's experiences, and combine their talents in a way that benefits the group . Academic achievement of the student can be promoted by using this technique. When students work cooperatively, there is less chance that mistakes will be made because it's easier to see other peoples' mistakes than to see your own. On the other hand, less participation from some members affect the team's unity and the results of their task. Disagreements between members may delay decisions and cause hard feelings. Cooperative Learning in pairs or triads or teams, is very useful and successful depending on how every member of the group performs his or her duty . It brings more advantages than disadvantages

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
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    USA
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rosally View Post
    Hi

    I have changed my paragraph a little bit
    I think this second one is better

    As a student, I have had the opportunity to work in groups and I find that cooperative learning has many advantages but, as with any teaching techniques, it also has its disadvantages. It's a great strategy that makes learning more fun and intersting. working in a group enable students to exchange ideas, information and knowledge. It also helps them to get know each other, learn from each other's experiences, and combine their talents in a way that benefits the group . Academic achievement of the student can be promoted by using this technique. When students work cooperatively, there is less chance that mistakes will be made because it's easier to see other peoples' mistakes than to see your own. On the other hand, less participation from some members affect the team's unity and the results of their task. Disagreements between members may delay decisions and cause hard feelings. Cooperative Learning in pairs or triads or teams, is very useful and successful depending on how every member of the group performs his or her duty . It brings more advantages than disadvantages
    The second version is a great improvement over the first. I don't see anything that needs correction.

  4. #4
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    Oct 2010
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    Thank you for your replay, Rusty

  5. #5

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    My english is not good but I tried to re-write your paragraph (just for fun).


    Group study is an interesting concept.

    Just like any other form of learning, this collaborative learning approach has its own advantages and disadvantages.

    On one hand, group study helps students to collaborate and exchange ideas. In this participative form of learning, information moves freely, and rapidly; experiences are shared, mistakes are corrected which often translates to academic excellence.

    On the other hand, collaborative learning is solely dependant on participation and willingness to share. Sometimes a study group is formed with people who can not WORK with each other. Such a dysfunctional group is doomed for failure.

    Good leadership, clearly defined roles and responsibilities can make a significant difference. When objectives are clearly defined and goals properly set, people tend to understand their roles better and start contributing more.
    Last edited by sheaButter; 11-01-2010 at 06:33 PM.

  6. #6

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    good ...

  7. #7
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    USA
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    Quote Originally Posted by sheaButter View Post
    My english is not good but I tried to re-write your paragraph (just for fun).


    Group study is an interesting concept.

    Just like any other form of learning, this collaborative learning approach has its own advantages and disadvantages.

    On one hand, group study helps students to collaborate and exchange ideas. In this participative form of learning, information moves freely, and rapidly; experiences are shared, mistakes are corrected which often translates to academic excellence.

    On the other hand, collaborative learning is solely dependant on participation and willingness to share. Sometimes a study group is formed with people who can not with each other. Such a dysfunctional group is doomed for failure.

    Good leadership, clearly defined roles and responsibilities can make a significant difference. When objectives are clearly defined and goals properly set, people tend to understand their roles better and start contributing more.
    I agree. This is good. There is just one thing missing:

    "Sometimes a study group is formed with people who can not _________with each other. "

  8. #8

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    Missing piece is found

  9. #9
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    Oct 2010
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    That sounds good!

    I'm trying to write an easy, I wrote the intoduction and the first paragraph...

    please, tell me your opinion.

    Many people ask me, is there someone who has entered your life and changed it?, someone who makes you look differently at things?, someone who gives you a perspective of life?, Yes, I have that one who I find always by my side whether I'm having a good or a bad time. She can be a mother, sister and friend. She is my neighbor, Sara. She is an old woman, but young at heart. I call her" The Queen", you may ask why? She inspires me through her wisdom. Her high morals help me to see the beautiful side of life. And her good sense of humor fills my heart of joy.

    Sara lives next door to me. I can always depend on her being there for me with the right words of advice. I can see depth of her thoughts through her brown eyes. I also learn from watching her deal with life. One day ago, she and I were walking down the street when two boys started a footrace. One of them looked very ahead of his friend when I could swear that he would be the winner. But suddenly he began to delay little by little, and then it was a real shock. He was the loser!, why?, what's wrong? Sara turned to me, notice my dear, he was all time turned back. He was afraid that his friend would reach him, listen to me," To win, look always in front of you, you will be the first"
    Last edited by Rosally; 11-05-2010 at 01:38 PM.

  10. #10

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    For some reason, I find your essays to be very interesting. That prompted me to re-write your opening paragraphs.



    Have you met a person who touched your life and changed it forever? Do you know a person who inspires you and encourages you to think differently?

    I'm lucky to know such a person – Sarah.

    Sarah, my neighbor, is an elderly lady who is by all means “young at heart”. She is a positive thinker and she possesses queenly wealth of wisdom and experience that she is ready to share with anybody. Sarah – “the queen”, as I call her - inspires me, educates me and enlightens me all the time – good or bad. She provides me her unconditional help and support when chips are down and I’m struggling to deal with a situation. She never gives up and she never allows me to give up either. "When a man is willing and eager, the Gods join in" she always tells me.

    One day – not long ago - Sarah and I were walking down the street when we saw two kids having a little race between them. One of them looked strong and really good at running. He had an excellent start and was running full steam ahead of the other kid. I was quite sure that the other kid was no match for this sprinter.

    I looked at Sarah’s brown eyes. She was smiling while she was closely watching the other kid who was chasing his competitor with great determination. Halfway through the race, the kid ahead started to lose steam while his competitor was catching up by maintaining the same speed. Slowly but surely the first kid lost the race.

    I looked at Sarah. She looked at me perplexed face and said “I knew he would lose. He was too afraid and he was always turning backwards to see how far behind was his competior. In life, my dear friend, you should always have the determination and courage to beat any competitor. In the race to excellence, you should always look forward because in that race your actual competitor is nobody but YOU”.
    Last edited by sheaButter; 11-10-2010 at 03:14 PM.

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